Questions and Answers
by Nitney1994
Summary: What happens when April's most recent accident causes Jackson to have questions? Questions about his life, her life, life in general. Where will he go to in his search for answers? Who will he turn to? What are the answers that he will find? Happens after 14x23. Mainly Japril friendship. Possibly some Jaggie.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so after last nights episode I couldn't help but to write this. I'm not sure how long its going to be yet, but the idea of this story won't leave my head after watching Jesse and Sarah's performance in 14:23 Cold as Ice. The whole episode was breath taking and was beyond fantastic acting from both of them!**

 **The scene with Jackson praying over April... oh my gosh...my heart cannot handle it! Before you go into reading this story no matter if it is a 2 chapter story or if the words continue to flow and it becomes a multi chapter fic please be aware that I am a Christian and I am very proud of that. So my faith will absolutely be shown through the characters that I am borrowing from Shonda Rimes.**

 **So if my faith offends you please feel free to pass this story up and move on to the next Japril fic. If you are okay with this please feel free to give any advice, love, or comment that you would like to leave through the review button.**

 **With that being said I do not own any Greys Anatomy characters or story lines. That is all Shonda Rimes, because if I did there would be no way I could give up Sarah Drew!.**

 **Please read and enjoy!**

" **You prayed for me..** " April smiled at him while reaching out to touch his face.

He had prayed. It was something he hadn't done since.. well since Samuel. Since he prayed to April's God not to take their son from them for her sake. He knew at the time that Samuel dying would change April in a way that would alter who she was has a person. He had no idea just how right he would be, over the past few years he had seen a completely new April. An April that could only be the result that a tragedy could have caused. Not just a bad day, but a life altering tragedy something like the death of their son. A tragedy which had also resulted in the death of their marriage.

He had so much to say to her. So much to ask her, but they were surrounded by their friends. No not their friends, but their family and it wasn't the time for the words that he needed to say to her. So he would wait. He would go get Harriet and take her home and give April time with the other people in her life. He would give her time to rest after the traumatizing day that she had had and he would come back tomorrow morning with their daughter and have the conversation that he was aching to have.

"and it worked" He smiled at her with a shy smile as she finished her sentence.

"It did. You are here with us now just like you are meant to be. However, you need your rest so I am going to go get Harriet and take her home for the night. I'll come back first thing in the morning with her so you can see her. Spend some time with everyone else tonight and you can have all the time you want with her tomorrow. I'll reschedule my surgeries so I can spend the day with you and her."

After waiting for her nod of approval Jackson kissed the top of her forehead softly and left the room to go get their daughter.

Harriet was always an easy baby, but tonight she had been especially good. Maybe she could sense Jackson's emotional distress but she had gone straight to sleep without any kind of fight and he was extremely grateful for that. The few hours that he had spent waiting for April to wake up after watching Maggie go above and beyond to save her had been excruciating. He was exhausted, but he wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. There was one thing he wanted to do before he went to lay down and end this horrible day.

After watching Harriet sleep in her crib for a few moments he felt calmer than he had since seeing April open her eyes and smile at him. He needed to hold on to that because he knew what he was about to do next would make him feel anything but calm. For most people it wouldn't have been a problem but for him it was beyond nerve wrecking.

He walked from Harriet's nursery to the living room and went to the book shelf that April had set up while she had shared his penthouse apartment with him. He had never been an avid reader but she insisted that every home need to have a book shelf with the essential books on it. She said that it promoted a healthy balance between watching mindless television and stimulating your brain with books such as Why You Do the Things You Do by Gary Sibcy and Tim Clinton, The Harry Potter series by J. K Rowling, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee, and of course several translations of The Bible. There were many other books on the shelf but these were the ones that April had said were essential to every persons book shelf.

He had read several of the books that she had recommended because he knew it was important for her that they both teach Harriet to love to read. Even after she had moved out of the apartment when they had come back from Montana he had still found himself going to the shelf from time to time to look for a new book that would hold his attention in the silence that lingered in the space on nights that she had Harriet and he was alone. Most of the time it was a book with action or a book that explained some time in history that captured his attention, but tonight it was the book that he had never thought to pick up that was drawing him in.

The Bible. He had no clue which translation to pick up in order to get the answers he desperately needed tonight. Would it be the Kings James Version? The NIV? The NASB? Or The Message version, which was Aprils favorite version to talk to him about. She said that it was the easiest version for nonbelievers to understand. She said that it set up the stories and words in an easy to understand way that everyone could relate to.

Yes, that would be the version he would go to tonight. He grabbed it and moved to sit on the couch and opened the book.

He had no idea where to even begin. He didn't even know what he was looking for but something about what had happened today was making him feel the overwhelming need to get some kind of explanation for the day he had had. He had questions and he needed the answers. Answers that he felt he could only problem get in the pages of the book that April cherished so much.

April was right tonight when she had said he had prayed for her and it had worked. But how had it worked? He was a doctor. A scientist. This meant that everything that happened had an explanation. There were test and numbers that could back up anything that happened in the walls of the hospital that involved a patient. But today there was no explanation.

There was no way that April should have woken up and been completely healthy besides her exhaustion and the cosmetic cuts and bruises. She should have had significant brain damage! Her brain had been deprived of oxygen for more time than anyone even knew! Hell they had done compressions on her for over 3 hours, this should have at least resulted in a few broken ribs or bruised muscles. But she didn't have any of these symptoms. None of this made any sense to him.

When he thought about everything though his brain when straight to what April would tell him when he asked her. God had healed her in a way that medicine and science could not explain. God had protected her and brought her back to give her a second chance at life.

This is why he was sitting in the middle of his living room with a bible open in front of him staring at the pages like it might set him on fire. He was afraid of what the words on the pages would tell him. He knew that by the Christian standard of living he wasn't doing to well. According to the rules that went with Christianity he was a sinner, and a big one at that. He liked to do what pleased him, of course he thought of other people to. The people that he cared about and that mattered to him, but in the end his decisions were based off of what made him happy and what was best for his daughter only. He was selfish, plain and simple. Which he knew from hearing April talk was a sin. He liked sex and didn't agree that it was only meant for marriage, hell after what had happened with him and April he wasn't even sure that marriage was in the cards for him again. But that didn't mean that he was going to go without sex. So yes, according to the book in front of him he was a bad person, or that's what he assumed.

He flipped through the pages of the bible in front of him without reading anything, just looking over the pages. He noticed that April had highlighted several different passages among the pages. Some had notes scribbled out beside the highlighted words. Some were highlighted in pink, others in blue, and others in several different colors ranging from green to purple. He knew April well enough to know that he would find the answer to the different colors on the first page of the book. He remembered from when they were studying for their boards that she always made a key for herself on the first page of any textbook and figured her bible would be the same.

As he flipped to the beginning of the book he found that he was right. He saw her key written in her messy handwriting just on the inside of the book. It wrote:

Love (highlighted in pink)

Redemption (highlighted in blue)

New believers (highlighted in purple)

Forgiveness for sin (highlighted in green)

Miracles (highlighted in orange)

Commitment (highlighted in yellow)

By the key she had made he new that the answers he was looking for would be highlighted in orange. He needed to know what 'God' said about miracles in the book that His believers clung so tightly to. He needed to see if he would find answers in the book that April loved so much.

Hopefully he would and then he would talk to April tomorrow about what he had found for further explanation.


	2. Chapter 2

Jackson's mind was reeling from everything he had read from April's bible. He had tried to read as many of the passages highlighted in orange as he could. Every single one of them was a description of some kind of healing that Jesus had done according to his disciples accounts. There were more stories than he thought there would be. Everything from when Jesus healed a leper (Matthew 8:1-4), a woman with a blood issue (Matthew 9:20-22), two blind men (Matthew 9:27-31), and even bringing a man back from the dead! (John 11: 11-44)

There were so many stories about the healing power of God. Not only from when Jesus was on earth according to the New testament but also from the Old testament before Jesus. There were stories about God making a woman's barren womb fertile again ( Judges 13:5-25), God bringing a boy back to life (1 Kings 17:17-24), hell it even says he healed a man from insanity! (Daniel 4:34-37)

All of the different stories he had read were racing through his mind and he truly believed that God was the one who could have healed April. There was just no way to deny that, but he was having problems reconciling a God that would heal a woman who had lived a full life but allowed an innocent baby to die. Now he wasn't saying that there weren't things that April still deserved to do, there absolutely were. She deserved to see Harriet grow up and become a beautiful woman just like her mother. She deserved to find a man who truly made her happy and was able to connect with her in the way that she deserved. Hell she deserved to have more children and watch them grow! April was a fantastic mother and he knew that it was a dream of hers to have several children, even after Samuel he knew that she would want more kids. Even if it would be hard for her to deal with. He never doubted that was a part of her future.

But how did he reconcile a God that saved April, but took his infant son? Not only did he take him, but he allowed for his son to be injured and hurt physically in the one place that he should have been the safest. In Aprils womb Samuel had broken bones and hurt himself just by moving and was able to feel the pain, but wasn't able to cry out to his parents for safety or comfort. God had not only taken his son, but he had allowed for him to suffer before He had taken him. How was this a God that April loved and served so diligently?

He knew she had recently struggled with that exact question, but he didn't know the answers that she had received or why she had decided to stay faithful to God. But you bet he would be asking her. He needed those answers. Not only for his own sanity but because he wanted to understand the God that his ex wife loved so much and the God that she would teach their daughter to love just as much. He knew that April would never force religion on their daughter, she had never done that to him in all the time they had been in a relationship as friends or romantically, but he knew she would encourage Harriet to pursue God in her own way. He was fine with this and even agreed with it to an extent, but he needed to be able to understand why He was so important to April.

He knew that unlike other Christians The Bible and God weren't just a set of guidelines to follow for April, but instead she would say she had a relationship with God. A personal, life altering relationship. She talked to Him daily and about everything. He knew from experience that April would be talking to God even when she was doing mundane daily chores such as doing the dishes, or the laundry. She talked to God the same way that she talked to him or to Arizona, her best friend because to April that is exactly what God was. He was her friend. He was, as she would say her heavenly father above all other things, but he was still just her friend. Someone who she could talk to about the good things that happened to her and also someone that she could rage at when she was angry or cry to when she was upset.

He laughed out loud at the memory of a conversation he had with April one day when he walked into their apartment and she was screaming her head off in the kitchen. He had rushed into the kitchen to find out who April was yelling at, as it was unlike her to just go off on anyone and he had no idea who could have stirred up so much anger from her. When he turned the corner to find no one there he asked her who she was yelling at and she just turned to him and said "God. I've got a bone to pick with him so we are working it out." He thought she had gone crazy, but she hadn't. Once she was calmer she had explained to him that God was like any other father and wanted his children (aka. everyone) to talk to Him about everything. She had asked him if he would have wanted to know if Harriet was angry with him and what he had done to cause this emotion. Jackson, of course said yes and she had told him that God felt the same way. He wanted to know when we were upset with him and what had caused it. Even if it meant us yelling and screaming to him.

Jackson never understood it. Not until today. But then again he never really ever thought about what she had said about God and her relationship with Him before today. Other than when they had lost Samuel. Jackson had begged God to show up for April, she said He had. That He had brought her a woman who was questioning the same thing that she was, the sovereignty of God. The woman was questioning God's faithfulness due to the loss of her fiance just like April was questioning God because she knew that He was about to take their son from them.

Jackson had just gone along with April at the time but he hadn't truly understood her when she had said that God had answered her prayers through this woman. For him God showing up would have been Him saving their son and He hadn't done that for them. So in his eyes God hadn't show up at all. Instead He had let her down, He let them both down. He failed and in result it caused their marriage to fail. His failure had made April run away to a war zone in Jordan, to run away from Jackson when he had needed her. His failure had caused April to fail Jackson. She ran when Jackson had needed her most, when he had just wanted her to be there for him. Jackson had never had to pretend to be strong around April, it was one of the reasons why he loved her. He had been able to show her every part of him and she accepted him and was there when he needed her. Except then, Jackson had to grieve Samuel alone without his wife. This resulted in a broken Jackson. It had caused Jackson to become calloused and hard towards not only April, but God as well. Something that Jackson had never been until then, had he believed in God before then? Not exactly, but he had never hated Him until then.

Jackson had even failed April when he hadn't understood her need to leave Seattle to give herself sometime to heal after Samuel. He had thought they needed to heal together, and for Jackson this was true but not for April. She had needed to heal on her own time and in her own way. They both had failed due to Gods failure to save their son according to Jackson. The result of this had been a marriage that was beyond repair. Of course April didn't believe that when she had come back from Jordan, but it didn't matter because those were the facts to Jackson.

God failed. April failed. Jackson had failed. Therefore their marriage had failed.

Isn't funny how Jackson would tell you that he didn't believe in God, but he could believe that God had failed? What did it mean to think that something he didn't think existed had affected his life so much. To Jackson God had been the reason why his son was dead and the reason why his marriage was over. But if God didn't exist how can he alter your life? In order to believe that those thoughts are true that would mean on some level that Jackson really did believe in the abstract idea of God, didn't it?

These are the thoughts that kept Jackson awake until just past 4 a.m when he heard Harriet crying from her nursery. Deciding that there was no way that he would be getting any sleep he got up and went to get his precious baby girl from her crib down the hall.

"Hey baby girl. What's wrong sweetie?" he asked as he picked her up from her bed. "mama..mama" she cried.

It didn't exactly surprise him that she was wanting her mom, it had been a full day since she had seen her. This was completely out of their norm, even when Jackson had Harriet she still saw April every single day. It was a system that they had worked out when they had decided to live in seperate homes. Neither one of them ever wanted Harriet to feel like she was getting less than she deserved so they made time in their schedule for the baby to see the other person no matter whose day it was in their custody agreement.

"I know baby. I miss her too. Why don't we get dressed and go see mama?" He asked the baby as he held her close to his shoulder. Giving himself a moment to just breathe in her comforting baby sent when he kissed the curls on the top of her head.

"Mama!" Harriets response let him know that she agreed to his request.

He was happy she was agreeable because it was time for him to get some of the answers that he so desperately needed. And maybe then he would be able to get some sleep. Maybe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Wowl. The reviews I am getting are amazing guys! Thank you so much for showing me so much love!**

April had been laying in her hospital bed for hours looking at the ceiling, rethinking through her day. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. Just that morning she had been so happy. So sure of what was happening in her life. She had Matthew again and they were happy, so much more than happy. They were in love again. They were both so sure that God had brought them through the hard times in their lives to prepare them for what was to come.

God uses all things for good. (Romans 8:28) She truly believed this. This is what had gotten her through all of the hard things in her life. The shooting when Reed and Percy had died. Losing her virginity before marriage. Failing the medical boards. Losing Samuel. Losing her marriage. It all had a purpose in her life, she knew this. She had faith that it would be God's will for her life for good to come from tragedy.

She had tried to get Jackson to understand this when they had lost Samuel, but she hadn't been able to because it had been hard for her to remember at the time. It had been so hard for her to understand that her sweet and innocent baby had only felt pain for the short life that he had. So she had ran. She felt like she was suffocating being around Jackson and his pain because she wasn't able to explain to him what God had needed her to. She didn't have the answers herself at the time so how was she supposed to help her husband? There was no way. That was why the answer was for her to leave and to stay gone until she was able to answer the questions herself.

Jackson hadn't understood it, but at the time it didn't matter to her. She was doing what she needed to protect herself. To protect herself and furthermore to protect her strained relationship with God. At least that was what she thought she was doing. Now that she looks back on it she can see clearly that it had actually done the complete opposite for her. It had strained her relationship with God even more. She may not have been asking Him every second of every day why He had taken Samuel from her but now she had begun to ask God even further questions. Why did he allow war? Why did he let the 'good guys' lose and the 'bad guys' win? Why did innocent men and women have to die to protect their country?

It was a losing situation no matter where she had been, looking back she can see this clearly. Her questions weren't being answered. She was just gaining more questions and in result to gaining more questions she was gaining more anger towards God himself for allowing these things. For allowing her questions to go unanswered. The people around her who she trusted with her questions and concerns all told her the same thing. Ask God and He will answer. This was true. She knew it was, but until now this was not an answer that she was willing to accept. Not because it was the wrong answer, but because this answer meant that she had to do work to get her own answers.

Getting answers at the time had meant that she had to study her Bible and really take the time to be quiet and listen to what God was telling her, and for her this was unacceptable. She had done the work all her life. Why couldn't God give her an acception and just give the answer to her? This was her response to everyone who had told her that. Her mother. Her pastor. The women in her small group. Until finally she broke.

When Matthew's wife had died on her watch. When Eric, an innocent kid died because of the color of his skin. She lost it. She lost her faith and she didn't feel like there was a way to get it back. She wasn't like Job, who was faithful even when God let the enemy take everything he had from him, including his health. Instead she had lost her way completely and on purpose she pulled away from God. She didn't want the comfort that only came from Him, she just wanted comfort. So she found it in any way that she could drinking, partying, mindless sex, and work. She went through the motions until she once again hit a breaking point.

When she realized that she needed rules. Guidelines. She needed the structure that God provided, but now she didn't know how to go back to Him without getting the answers she needed. But she still didn't want to do the work for herself to find them. So, He had sent her the answers because he is a merciful God. He is the father that just wants to comfort us when we are hurting. So that is exactly what He had done for her.

He sent Eli. Who helped her see that faith isn't true faith when we only believe in God and his sovereignty when things are good for us, but true faith is knowing that God will carry us through the hard times in life. And that God will truely use all things for His good purpose in our lives.

She just hoped that Jackson was starting to see this. She hoped that he was starting to understand why God was so important to her. Not only important to her, to her that seemed like such an insignificant word to use to describe what God meant to her. God wasn't just important, no He was everything to her. And she wanted Jackson to have that in his life as well. She wanted Harriet to grow up with both of her parents loving God, seeing that when you trust in God that everything just becomes easier. Even the hard stuff gets easier when you are trusting and relying on God to get you through it.

But she knew now that it didn't just take you trusting and relying on Him, but it actually took you doing the work to actively turn to Him during those times. Not just going through the motions and telling everyone that God was going to see you through it. You have to meet God halfway in order for Him to be able to come through on his promises, just like any other relationship. You have to allow Him to be there for you. You can't run away.

Waking up to see and hear Jackson praying for her had actually made her heart skip a beat. How long had she hoped to see him doing this? Not necessarily praying for God to save her life, but just to see him praying for anything. Just to see him accept that God was actually someone and that it was okay to talk to Him through prayer. Years. Since they were interns she had been praying for his salvation. For God to weasel His way into Jacksons stubborn life.

And it had seemed to her that through God showing him what He could do by answering his prayers for her life, not only fully but quickly. He may have done just that. She had wanted him to stay and talk to her tonight so that she could try to sense what he was thinking and feeling, but instead he had chosen to take Harriet home and leave her to spend time with the rest of her Grey Sloan family. She was thankful for the time with all of the people she loved, but she had been hoping for just a moment with Jackson.

She would make time when he came back to the hospital. April would make sure that she got a few moments of alone time with him so that she could find out where his head was at. But also so that she could just thank him. Thank him for doing something that she knew he didn't believe in because he knew it was what she would have wanted him to do for her.

April looked over to see Matthew sound asleep. She couldn't help but feel the guilt creep in around the edges of her heart. Here she was laying next to this amazing man who had been through just as much as she had in life and was still amazing. Who still loved Jesus with all his heart. But she was thinking about her ex husband. To some her thoughts might not be found to be guilty but she knew in her heart that after the day she had had and the emotion that she had seen Jackson showing she was guilty.

She was guilty because all of these things had sparked an ember of hope in her heart. A hope for her and Jackson. A hope that Harriet would get her family with both parents together and happy. A hope for a love that still burned in her heart. A love that God had placed their for a reason.

How was she supposed to deal with this? How was she supposed to tell Matthew that she couldn't be with him? Because if she was being fair to him she needed to tell him now that she could no longer continue their relationship. She couldn't hurt him the way that she had before. No she needed to be fair to him, as well as to herself.

"I already know what you are going to say. It's okay." She heard Matthew say even with his eyes still closed.

"What are you talking about? I wasn't going to say anything."

"It's okay April. I know your brain is going a thousand miles a minute over there. I know that after today, with everything that happened you know we can't be together."

"What? Matthew. How do you know I'm thinking that?"

"I know because its what I'm thinking. You may have been unconscious for everything but the end of the day, but I wasn't. I saw how those people rallied around you today to do everything in their power not only to save you, but to also save me. I also saw how even though you have been divorced for a few years that everyone looked to Jackson for decisions regarding your care. And I saw just how much Jackson loved you tonight when he wouldn't move from your bedside from the moment he found out the patient was you until you opened your eyes. I also heard how he fought for Maggie to stop shocking you because he had thought that she was just torturing you. He had wanted to protect you even when he had thought that he had lost you. It hurts, but it's okay. You need to try and fix things between you two. It's what God would want for you to do. It is what God wants you to do."

Tears streamed down Aprils face as she reached out for Matthews hand. She couldn't believe that he understood exactly what she was feeling without her even saying a word. But she was so happy that he got it and wasn't angry with her because of it.

"Matthew I'm so sorry. I don't want to hurt you at all. But you're right. I have to figure out things with Jackson before I can even think of giving us a fair shot."

"It's okay. I know its the right things to do." With that he kissed her hand and pressed the call button for the nurse to move him back to his own room for the rest of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

It had taken Jackson an hour to get himself and Harriet ready to go to the hospital, which he was thankful for. Hopefully April would still be asleep when they got there, as it was only about 5 am. He knew she needed her rest so he was hoping to be able to catch up with the nurses and Amelia, who was staying the night at the hospital to over see April's care personally.

As anxious as he was to talk to her he wasn't exactly sure what he would say when he was finally alone with her. The previous 36 hours had been overwhelming, not only because of the trauma that she had been through and that he had watched her go through, but because of the emotions that he had felt. He had been in shock when he had heard that intern say that they needed blood to save April's life. Then he had seen her on the table in the O.R and he had felt overwhelming grief. Three hours she had been down from what Meredith had said.

Then Maggie had gotten a rhythm back and he was overwhelmed with joy. But then he had to wait for April to open her eyes and he had to wait to see how her brain function would be affected by the lack of oxygen she had suffered. That was the excruciating part. The waiting and the not knowing, that is what had lead him to pray for God to save her. Finally, she had woken up and been fine. Everything had been fine. She was talking and responsive to stimuli on a normal level. That's when the relief had set in. Relief that he still had his friend, his partner in raising Harriet. But how?

That's still what he wanted to know, but first he needed to make sure that she was still doing as well as she was when he had left the hospital the night before. That's why the first place he found himself going was to the nurses station in the ICU to page Amelia. He knew that he wouldn't have to wait long for her, but he was surprised to see her already standing there when he arrived.

"Jackson, what are you doing here so early? I assumed we still had a few hours before you would get here." She asked while taking Harriet from him.

"Well little miss woke up and wanted her mommy, so I decided to go ahead and come. I wasn't sleeping much anyways. I was too worried to really sleep. How's she doing? Any changes overnight?" He asked with a much calmer tone than he was feeling at the moment.

"She's doing just fine. No changes from the original exam. I actually just came from her room, so she's awake if you want to go in."

"She's awake? Already? I expected her to sleep for awhile after everything her body has been through."

"I know. I was expecting the same thing, but yeah she's awake. She paged me about 45 minutes ago to come and do my exam. Said she wanted to have some time where she would be uninterrupted when you got here."

"Really? She wants to talk to me?" "Why does that surprise you Jackson? Of course she does. Go in and see her. Let her spend sometime with you and this precious little one. I will tell the nurses to keep everyone else out until one of you tells them otherwise."

"Thank you Amelia. That means a lot to me." He said taking Harriet back in his arms. He turned to look at the room that April was in, trying to find the courage to go in and see her. Now that he knew she was awake he felt nervous. She had wanted to talk to him? About what? He knew why he wanted to talk to her, but what could she possible want to talk to him about?

"Go!" He heard Amelia say as she pushed his shoulder forward.

"There's my girl! Please bring her to me Jackson." April said as he walked into the room reaching for their daughter. He of course did exactly as she asked and placed Harriet on the bed next to her.

"Oh my goodness how much did I miss you baby girl. Mama is sorry for missing her time with you yesterday." April said with tears in her eyes as she held their daughter close to her chest.

"uv you mama!" Harriet said in her baby talk while snuggling closer to Aprils chest.

"She woke up missing you so I figured I would go ahead and bring her to you. I knew there was no way I would be able to get her to go back to sleep since she hadn't seen you yesterday." Jackson said as he pulled a chair closer to her bed to sit down in.

"I'm so happy you did. I was going to give you about another hour and then call and wake you up myself." she said with a chuckle.

"I know you missed her just as much as she missed you. I would never stand in the way of you seeing her, I'm sorry I didn't bring her by before I left last night."

"No, don't apologize. I wouldn't have wanted her to see me yesterday. I was still to weak. I mean I'm not back to my normal and I'm sure I could use a shower but I'm better this morning. Thank you for waiting. You knew exactly what I would want without me even needing to say it. You always have in a way." She said reaching for his hand.

"I wouldn't exactly say that. But I knew that you needed your rest yesterday. I'm surprised that you are even awake now. Why are you awake April?" "I just couldn't really sleep. My mind has been racing all night and I haven't been able to fall asleep."

"Yeah. You're not the only one. I've been up all night thinking about everything that happened."

"So talk to me Jackson. Tell me what's on your mind." She said sitting up a little in the bed being careful not to pull on any of the wires she was attached to and making sure that Harriet was still comfortable.

"Did you know that I prayed for you before yesterday? The day that you gave birth to Samuel and you wanted to go back to work because you didn't think you could handle giving birth to him and saying goodbye to him all in the same day. I prayed. Nothing specific, I just asked for Him to show up for you. But he didn't. I've been up all night thinking about what the difference was between yesterday and that day. Why he answered my prayer now but not then. I haven't been able to make sense of it in my head."

"Oh Jackson. I didn't know that. But you are so wrong! He did show up for me then. He did answer your prayer, he just didn't answer it in the way that you thought he would. Do you remember me telling you about the girl I met that day?" He just nodded and waited for he to respond.

"Well she was a believer too. And she was struggling because God had taken her fiance away from her in a car accident. They were on their way home from visiting a possible venue for their wedding and they crashed into a truck and he was just gone. When I started to speak to her to give her comfort to respond to her telling me that she wasn't ready to leave the hospital because that meant leaving him, well God spoke to me through the words I gave her. I believed enough for both of us, for you and myself to get us through losing Samuel. I was hurting and so were you but I would get through it. We were going to get through it because we were strong. He had talked to me while I was talking to her. He had showed up for me in that moment He had answered your prayer. As well as my own prayer. Do you know what Samuel means in hebrew?"

"No, what does it mean?" He asked looking up to her with tears in his eyes.

"It means heard by God. That's why I choose Samuel for his name. For me this girl was God's way of showing me that He had heard my prayers, and now your prayers as well Jackson. He heard you and answered you, just not in the way that you thought he should have. As a Christian one of the hardest lessons that you learn is that God doesn't always answer your prayers in the way that you think He should. Sometimes this is even hurtful to you, but in the end it's the answer that He knew you needed at the time."

"But that's exactly why I don't understand why you choose to believe in this God. Why do you choose to follow His rules and regulations for your life when He chooses to hurt you so badly? April I don't understand how you can choose to love a God that may have saved you, but he still choose to take our son from us. He choose to take our marriage from us."

"Wow. You think God took our marriage?" "I do. What else would you say? It ended as a result of Samuel's death. God choose to take Samuel, therefore he took our marriage."

"I never knew that you saw God in this light. As a dictator, rather than a ruler that guides you. For someone who says he doesn't believe in God you sure do give him all the credit for the bad things in your life Jackson. Now I don't mean that in a condescending way I just mean that you still don't understand what I've been saying to you all these years."

"If I see God wrong then explain it to me April. Explain to me why He allows the people who are the most faithful to Him to go through such pain."

"It's an easy explanation Jackson. God gives us free will. Yes it may have been His will that Samuel die. And believe me that hurts. It has not been easy to cope with, it's why I have questioned Him so much lately. But don't twist my words. I never thought that God was the reason why our marriage ended. That is not His will, it wasn't His will. What God brings together He will not seperate. That failure was our own. It was because of the decisions that we made on our own that our marriage ended."

"What decision did we make that He didn't allow though?" "Well I can name a few of my own decisions that He allowed. I went to Jordan and left you alone. When I had the chance to come back home, while you were still able to accept me coming home I chose to stay. In the end that is what hurt you the most wasn't it. That I chose to stay away from you?"

"Yes it was. You left when I needed you most and when I expected you to come home you didn't. But like I said God allowed you to make that decision, so he allowed our marriage to fail. And if He was so powerful then He wouldn't have allowed you to make that decision."

"But don't you see Jackson God isn't that kind of God. He doesn't control our every movement. He has a picture of our lives that He wants to see us come to, but He won't force us to follow a specific path to get there. That's why he is such an amazing God! He allows us to have free will over our lives even though He has the power to control them."

"What do you mean? I don't understand." "God of course has a plan for our lives that He would like us to follow. Just like any parent has for their child, but like most parents He doesn't force us to follow His path. Instead He gives us options and one of those options is even whether or not we want to follow Him and be in relationship with Him. Thus, we control our own lives and destinies. Yes there are time when He makes decisions about our lives that we have no control over, such as Samuel. But even then we have a choice in how we handle what He has given to us. These decisions are how we form the lives we have."

"So you mean that because you choose to leave after Samuel and to stay gone and I choose not to accept you when you came back that it was our fault that our marriage ended and not Gods?"

"Yes! That is exactly what I am saying. Do you understand that now?" "I think I do. Wow. I've had it wrong this whole time. I was so sure that it was God's fault that I didn't even consider that it was our fault. That makes me feel so awful."

"Don't! Jackson don't feel bad about that. Look at all the things that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gotten divorced. Would Harriet have been here? Would you be as involved in your families foundation as you are? Would you have went searching for your father? You can't question the things you think you did wrong, or beat yourself up for them because God still uses them to shape your life. There is a scripture in The Bible that tells us that God uses all things for our good and I truly believe this. No matter what we go through in our lives. No matter how bad or screwed up our lives get God still uses everything to heal us and shape us into the person that He wants us to be."

"Yeah I guess you are right. I mean look at this moment right now. If we hadn't been through everything we have gone through I doubt that I would really be sitting here talking to you about God." He said with a chuckle as he sat up a little bit straighter in his chair. Trying to prepare himself for what he was about to tell her.

"You know I actually sat down and read one of your Bibles last night."

"You did? Wow Jackson that is huge!" "I don't know about that. Don't get ahead of yourself. I was just wanting to see what it had to say about miracles and try to understand what happened yesterday. I guess you could say I have gone from not believing in Him to just not sure that I want to have a relationship with Him. I mean after what He did for you yesterday how in the world am I able to deny His existence."

She looked up at him with tears streaming down her face. He knew that she was an emotional person, but he hadn't expected this kind of reaction out of her. She was looking at him like he had just told her the secret to the universe. Like he had just put together all of the broken pieces of the world. She was looking at him with a look of absolute adoration.

"Oh Jackson! You have no idea what those words do to me. You may not call yourself a follower yet, but it's only a matter of time. God has captured your attention, which with you is the hardest part. Believe me I know." She said ending her sentence with a chuckle.


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow. You have no idea how much your reviews mean to me! You all are so wonderful. Thank you for all the kind words.**

 **The inspiration for this story keeps coming, so for now I guess I'll continue.**

 **P.S The inspiration for this chapter came from Everything from LifeHouse.**

"So tell me what you read." She said after giving him a few minutes to absorb the words she had just said.

"Well I went off your key in the front of The Bible. I figured I would start with miracles, thought those pieces would give me the answers that I was looking for." He said while reclining the chair just enough to put some distance between the two of them.

"I guess after yesterday that was a pretty good place for you to start. Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Not exactly, but it was a start. I was hoping for more of an explanation of how the miracles happened but what I found was just more examples."

"God has a way of giving you exactly what you need to find the answers you have, so I'm sure that is exactly what you needed."

"How can you be so sure?" Jackson asked skipping over the fact that she was telling him that God had indeed given him the answers to his questions, even though he didn't exactly agree with that at the moment. He felt like he had more questions than he did answers at the moment.

"Sure of what?" "That God gives you what you need?"

"Well He's always given me exactly what I needed, so I guess I'm just speaking from experience." "Has he really always given you want you needed? Give me a few examples."

"Let's see. When I was fired from the residency program for failing my boards and I went home He sent me Hunt. He sent Hunt to bring me back, I was dead set that I was just going to be a farmers daughter and I was going to be okay. But He knew that wasn't the plan for me, so when I had given up He sent Hunt to talk me into coming back. Even though Hunt was the one who fired me in the first place. Ironic I know that God would send the person that fired me to bring me back to the hospital, but he had. And after our divorce, when I felt like He had taken everything from me and I do mean everything. At least all of the the things that mattered most to me, you and Samuel. He gave me Harriet. Finding out that I was pregnant was like coming up for fresh air. " She stopped and smiled down at the sleeping baby on her chest admiring her for just a moment.

"I remember after Arizona found out she was insisting that I tell you from the very first day, but I was hesitant to tell you. Not because I was trying to keep it from you or because I didn't plan on telling you. I did plan on telling you eventually, but I wasn't ready at the time. She asked me why I wasn't telling you and I remember just telling her that for the first time in over a year I was happy, truly happy and I didn't want that to change in that moment. I knew telling you would mean complications. I mean I found out I was pregnant the morning that we signed our divorce papers. And in one of the worst moments of my life God had sent me a little piece of joy and I didn't want that joy to get complicated."

"I mean yeah April of course it was going to be complicated but why do you think God would do it that way? Why would God have you get pregnant while we were in the middle of a divorce? Thankfully we are both mature enough to make things between us work for Harriet, but even at times that gets complicated. What you needed at the time was for Him to save our marriage, for Him to find a way to get through to me and make me give you a chance to repair what we had broken. But he hadn't and instead on the day that we signed the papers that determined our marriage was over He gave you, us a baby. You see God giving you joy and I just see Him sending you confusion in a time where you needed answers once again."

"But Jackson, life doesn't get less complicated because you have God. God doesn't make it less complicated. He just makes the complications worth going through. Don't you see that?"

"No April I don't see that. I don't see that a God who has the power to give you what you want just continues to take things away from you and tell you that He will make things better if you just trust Him. That may be a loving God to you but to me that's just a God who likes to show people who is in control and I don't agree with following a God like that." He paused for a moment trying hard to keep his anger in check. He was angry at her God, not at her and she didn't deserve for him to take it out on her in this moment.

"Look I'm going to go and make sure that all my surgeries were moved around and rescheduled properly. I'll let you keep Harriet here while I go do that and you should try to rest while she's asleep. I'll be back soon, so just have me paged if you need anything."

"Before you go can I tell you one story that I'm sure you didn't read? Please?" She asked just as he was standing up from his chair. He looked down to her and saw the pure sincerity in her eyes and couldn't deny her.

"Okay. One story and then I'm leaving. You and I both need a little rest."

"Okay. The story that I want to tell you about is the story of Job. There is a whole chapter dedicated to Job's story in The Bible, but I'll just tell you the cliff notes version. So Job was the wealthiest man in all of the area, but he wasn't just wealthy in the sense that he had many children, lots of land, cattle, and even servants. He was also very loyal to God and served God with everything he had faithfully.

Well one day Satan came to God and God bragged about how faithful Job was, so Satan told God that the only reason Job was such a faithful servant was because he had only ever been blessed. Satan told God that if he let Job go through times of despair and struggle that he would not serve God the way that he did then. So God allowed for Satan to take everything from Job, just as long as he didn't take Job's life. So he did. Satan took all of Jobs children, cattle, servants and even his health.

Job was truly living in despair. He had gone from the richest and most revered man in the land to the poorest man who also had leprosy. Which in that day was looked down up. He was now considered 'unclean' by the people. But he still praised God saying 'What God provides, God takes away'. He still served God with everything he had inside of himself, although his wife judged him for it.

Even his friends came to him and asked him what he had done that was so terrible that God would punish him so severely. When he told them that he had done nothing to deserve the punishment he was receiving none of them believed him. So now he was looked at as a liar to the people of his land.

This is what finally got to Job. He finally questioned God. He didn't question his existence, but he questioned Him asking Him what he had done to deserve everything he was going through. He wanted to know why God had forsaken him. And God answered him. But it wasn't the answer that you would expect to get.

Instead of a list of things that Job had done to deserve what he was going through God asked him a question as an answer. He asked if 'who are you to question me? Where were you when I created the earth and all of the things that are on the earth? Do you know what I know that you might question my judgement and my plan for the world and for your life?'

This woke Job up a little bit so in response to God's questions Job answered 'I am nothing God. I am no one to question you or your plan for my life. I will question you no longer. I know now that nothing with God is impossible. You are the one who brings me through to the other side in all my days'

You see Job had done nothing to deserve the trials he was going through, but God was using him as an example to Satan that even when you took everything from a true follower of God that they would not turn their faces from Him. And Job had proven him correct. Even when Job questioned God and wanted to know why God was allowing him to go through such sorrow, he never turned away from God.

And even more through this experiment between God and Satan Job had learned a valuable lesson. He had learned to fully trust God to get him through everything and anything that life could through at him. This is one of the most important lessons that we as humans can learn. Its the lesson that I have learned throughout everything that we have been through over the past few years.

And then story ends with The Bible telling us that God blessed Job more in the second half of his life than he did in the first because he had chosen to trust in is the exact reason why I continue to trust God even when I don't understand why I am going through what I am going through at the time. That is why I love God with all my heart."

"Thank you for telling me that story April. It was beautiful, but I think I have a lot to think about right now. Rest for now and I'll be back in a few hours."

With that he got up and left the ICU room. He needed some space to absorb what she was telling him, she understood that. She had been raised with people telling her about God all her life and she still had a hard time grasping some of the ideas that came along with Him. She couldn't expect for Jackson to just be okay with everything in one conversation. She was okay with that, but she couldn't help the overwhelming joy that came along with knowing that he was actually questioning things now.

Before he had just been dead set on ignoring God forever and he was perfectly okay with that. But now, oh praise be to God, now he was considering the questions that led to God and a relationship with Him. That was such a huge deal. It was such a huge step for him, she couldn't help but to be thankful that her accident had led to this revelation for Jackson.

God uses everything for His good.

"Hey Jackson! What are you doing here so early? I figured you would be taking the day off." Maggie said as she passed him at the O.R board.

"I am taking the day off, but I came in early to check on April and make sure that the interns had rescheduled my surgeries for today." He said without even looking at her but keeping his eyes focused on the O.R board.

"Oh okay. Well do you want to go get a coffee? I was just on my way to the cart and you look like you could use it?"

"No thank you. I'm good for now. I'm just going to go lay down in an on call room for a bit while April and Harriet get some sleep. Its been a rough night for us all."

"Oh. Sure, yeah I understand that. Is there anything I can do for you? I can come over tonight and cook you and Harriet dinner if you want." She said while putting a hand on his shoulder, trying to offer him some form of comfort seeing that he could use a little at the moment.

"Oh um. No that's okay. I'm not sure what's going to happen with April yet, so thank you but it's okay." He said while shrugging away from her touch and walking away.

He wasn't sure why he wasn't comfortable with her touch but he just wasn't. Something felt wrong with him letting her touch him at the moment. Maybe it was because he had spent the last 24 hours thinking about April. Or not, but it just didn't feel right anymore. Or maybe it never really had in the first place.

That was something he just couldn't deal with at the moment. He had way to much on his mind right now to be thinking about Maggie and what would happen with her now. Of course this should tell him something about his feelings, but he wasn't going to analyze it right now. Right now he was going to do just what he told Maggie and go find an on call room to sleep in for awhile.


	6. Chapter 6

April was startled awake when she felt Harriet being shifted slightly, her motherly instincts kicked in and she immediately darted her eyes from her little girl to the person who was trying to remove her daughter from her embrace. She was surprised to see that the arms belonged to her ex mother in law, Catherine Avery.

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to wake you. I walked in and saw her eyes open and I didn't want her to get her hands on any of your IVs." Catherine immediately stated as an apology.

"No it's fine. Don't worry about it. What time is it?" She asked as she shifted, allowing Catherine to take Harriet.

"It's just after 10am."She responded while snuggling the baby girl in her arms. April could see in just those few moments how much Catherine had missed Harriet. Although her and Richard both considered Seattle home Catherine was rarely here due to her commitments to the Avery foundation in Chicago. Before she had moved out of Jackson's apartment April had allowed Jackson to take Harriet with him to Chicago every now and then so that Catherine could spend more time with her granddaughter, but since the new living arrangements had been established Jackson hadn't taken the little girl. Instead he choose to stay at home when he had Harriet so that he had his own quality time with her.

April felt guilty watching Catherine with Harriet, she knew it wasn't entirely her fault that the woman was being robbed of her time with the baby but it didn't change the fact that it was her decision to move out and therefore limit Jackson's time with her.

"You miss her don't you?" April asked the older woman.

"Of course I do! Who wouldn't miss this precious baby girl?" Catherine responded while bouncing Harriet a little resulting in fully on baby giggle. A sound that April just loved.

"She's been with you all this time? Where is Jackson?" The grandmother asked with concern lacing her tone as she tucked the baby girl back in her arms.

"Yes, but she's been asleep. I actually can't believe that she let me sleep this long. Jackson should be in an on call room. He came in early this morning with her because she woke up wanting me. After he showed up we got to talking and it was an emotional heavy conversation, so after we were done he decided to go get some rest since neither one of us had really slept."

"Oh okay. I guess that's fine since he was still here in the hospital."

"Catherine, please don't start with this right now. It was perfectly fine. She was asleep and there are nurses and doctors covering this area of the hospital. Plus everyone here are all people she is comfortable with, if they had been concerned about her being here they would have paged him to come get her, even if I was against it." April said defending herself and Jackson.

"Okay, I promise I'll stop with the controlling grandmother stuff. I trust you both I promise, but I can't help it if I'm concerned. I almost lost my daughter and I wasn't even here! What kind of person does that make me?" She responded while reaching out to grasp April's hand. Holding tightly, showing April just how much this woman still truly cared for her.

"Catherine, you are an amazing person. You are kind and caring, a little controlling but that's okay its one of the things we all love about you. I love you so much and I thank you for worrying about me, but I'm fine I swear. Please remember Jackson and I are divorced now though, therefore I am no longer your daughter." The redhead said with a hint of sadness lacing her tone while letting go of the older woman's hand. She tried to adjust herself in the bed to try to play off letting go of Catherine's hand, but she knew that her ex mother in law knew exactly why she had let go of her hand.

"You will always be my daughter sweetheart. No papers or courts are going to change that fact or how I feel on the matter. But forget all that, we don't have time to go down that rabbit whole right now. What matters right now is your health and your recovery. Please be honest with me, how are you doing?" Catherine responded to her jab while sitting down in the chair with Harriet.

"Honestly, I feel fine physically. I mean I am a little tired and I still feel a bit weak, but otherwise I feel totally fine." She responded, while wondering if Jackson's mother was the person to talk to about how she was feeling emotionally. Catherine had always been easy to talk to but that didn't mean she was trustworthy with April's secrets. She had proven that when she had used the details of the beginning of her pregnancy with Harriet to get Jackson to fight for full custody while she was still pregnant.

"Well that's fantastic April. After a few days I am sure you will be just fine and will be able to go home with no trouble. But you said that was physically. How are you doing emotionally? You've been through a lot of the past few days. How are you coping?"

"I'm okay. Jackson and I were able to talk a lot this morning and he was my main concern, so now I am doing good." She said hoping that the older woman wouldn't pry any further and would just accept that answer.

"Well I'm glad that you two were able to talk. I hope it was a conversation of significance, though I won't try to get any details. I have already meddled far to much where you and Jackson are concerned, but I will say this. You two still love each other, very much. I can see it on both of your faces when you talk about one another. Even when you want to hate the other person, you still love them very much. Love like that doesn't come around every day and it doesn't just go away because things get hard. I hope you two can figure that out."

April didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to respond to the words that Catherine had said to her, but that was exactly what April had been thinking. She didn't want to give herself false hope. She knew how stubborn Jackson was and she knew how badly she had hurt him. A hurt that didn't just go away because of a near death experience. He was with Maggie now anyways. She had seen the way those two looked at one another, even though they were technically siblings now. She had been the one to tell Maggie that Jackson had feelings for her, that didn't mean April was okay with it, but she was the one who had gotten the ball rolling so to say.

She also didn't want Catherine telling Jackson what April was feeling before she was ready for him to know. She wasn't sure what exactly she was feeling, so there was no point in anyone discussing it with him at this point. No need to discuss it with anyone really. It needed to stay her secret for a bit longer before she could let him in on that, if that's what she felt like God wanted her to do.

Luckily she didn't have to make a decision on how to respond because the man himself had just entered her room.

"Mom? What are you doing here?" Jackson asked settling into the chair on the other side of April's bed.

"Nice to see you to son. I am here because I heard that one of my family members was hurt and I needed to see for myself that she was okay. I also figured you two could use some help with this little one here while April recovered. I assume that you will be helping her once she is released, correct?" She asked looking between the two adults while rubbing the baby's back.

"Well yes I was going to offer to let April stay with me, but we hadn't gotten that far in our discussion yet mother. But why would we need your help with Harriet? I can handle her and April both with no problems." He said sitting up a little straighter, feeling a tad defensive towards his mother's unspoken accusations.

"I know you can handle your daughter while helping April baby, however you shouldn't have to. I am her grandmother and that is what grandma's do. We help with the babies when their parents need help. It may not be necessary, but I would like to help. Plus I don't ever get to spend any time with this angel and I took the week off from the foundation to come and help." She said while kissing the baby in questions head.

Seeing that an argument was about to start and wanting to avoid it April finally spoke up.

"Jackson, stop." She said while sitting up and placing a calming hand on his shoulder "First of all, I don't need any help. Once I'm home I can handle things on my own. Of course I was going to ask you to take Harriet until I was feeling back to normal completely, but I don't need to stay with anyone. So thank you Catherine, but the offer is unnecessary. However you can spend as much time with her as you want as far as I'm concerned." She looked over towards Jackson and knew that the fight was far from over. She could see the determined look in his blue eyes that she recognized from years of working side by side with him. She laid back and took a deep breath before listening to what he had to say on the topic at hand.

"Oh no! Don't even start that crap April. I know you are 'a soldier' and all that bullshit, but there is no way you are going home alone after what just happened. Even if I was okay with letting that happen there is no doctor in this hospital that is going to release you if they know you are going home alone. You have surgical incisions from where Maggie had to do the bypass and you have no idea how your body is going to respond to the shock it went through. You being alone to handle your recovery on your own is completely out of the question. I don't care if I have to come and stay with you there is no way in hell I am letting you be alone. I'm sorry if you feel like I am overstepping, but if it were me you would be doing the same thing." Jackson said shutting down her suggestion of going back to her place alone.

"Fine. I will come stay with you, but if I agree to that then we let your mother take Harriet for the week." She said looking pointedly at Jackson.

"However, if we let you take Harriet you have to promise to make sure that both Jackson and I still get to see her every day. She isn't used to not seeing us both daily." April said swinging her head to Catherine, who was staring at her son with a triumphant grin on her face.

"I am totally fine with that! Thank you! I am going to go tell Richard! Oh he is going to be so excited to have a baby in the house!" Catherine responded while quickly leaving the room with Harriet in tow.

"Well okay then. I guess that's settled." Jackson said while moving around the bed to the chair that his mother had just vacated, closing the door to the room when he passed it.

"Jackson, are you sure it's okay if I stay with you? What about Maggie? How is your girlfriend going to feel about your ex wife sleeping in your guest room?" April asked him.

"It doesn't matter how Maggie feels about it. You are not going home alone after what just happened, so you staying alone without anyone to help you just isn't an option. If she has a problem with you staying with me while you recover she's not who I thought she was anyways." He said while grabbing for her hand.

"My turn for questions now. What about Matthew? Is he going to be okay with you staying at my place for your recovery? Or would he prefer to have you stay with him?" Jackson asked unable to raise his eyes to look at her face, choosing instead to look that the linens on the bed.

"Oh um I guess I forgot to tell you this morning. Matthew and I broke up last night." April said looking at him trying to judge his response at her news, however she was unable to see his face.

"Broke up? How? I mean um why?" He said clearing his throat nervously. "Why did you break up? You just got back together right?" He asked looking up quickly and down just as quickly adding "Never mind. That's none of my business. I didn't mean to pry into your personal life, I'm sorry."

"No its okay Jackson. I don't mind telling you. Matthew and I, we just agreed that we weren't right for each other. We both thought the relationship was good, thought it was the right steps to take before the accident, but after what happened we realized it just wasn't going to work. We realized that we weren't the right people for each other." She started to explain again choosing to watch his face as she explained why her most recent relationship had failed and still seeing nothing in response.

"How did you know it wasn't going to work? Neither of you have even been awake for 24 hours. Don't you think the break up is a little rash?" Jackson asked while still avoiding eye contact.

"Well when you wake up from something like that you should want to see your significant other. Like the only person you should want to see is that person and when I woke up the person I wanted to see wasn't Matthew, so we both agreed it wasn't going to work. And don't push anymore because that's all you are going to get from me." April said before he could ask the dreaded question of who it was that she wanted to see when she woke up. Which of course was him and she had seen him.

She had seen him praying and it made her heart skip a beat and in that moment she knew already there could be no more Matthew. There was no future for the two of them, she just prayed that there was a future for her and Jackson.

"Okay I won't pry anymore about Matthew. But no it won't be an issue for you to stay with me. Like I said if Maggie has an issue then she's not who I thought she was." Jackson said finally meeting her eyes.

"Okay. But promise me you will talk to her about it before I'm discharged. Like right now. Go find her and talk to her because you know she is here in the hospital." she said surprising him with her prerequisite.

"Um okay. Yeah I guess I'll go find her then. But while I'm gone I am going to have Amelia come back in here and check you again." He said smiling to her while leaving the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys. Sorry its been a little while since my last update, real life has been crazy so I haven't had much time to write.**

 **I wanted to address a review that I received. I was asked if this was going to be a story that put the full blame for the end of Japril on April and the answer is no. While I am showing that April understands the full effect that her choices had on the end of their relationship with Jackson it will also show his mistakes as well. They were both at fault in my opinion so that will be shown as well.**

Jackson didn't know what to do after discussing April coming to stay with him and her fears about their new arrangement. If he was being honest he had the same worries as her. What if Maggie was upset with him because he didn't want anyone else to be the one to help April through her recovery. He also didn't know what to do with the news that she had left him with about her and Matthew.

It didn't feel right that he was happy about Matthew being hurt again, but he was. He couldn't help but to be happy about the fact that April was once again single and available. It wasn't as simple as that and he knew it. There was Maggie to think about and he also didn't know if him and April could make a relationship work again.

He couldn't help but feel like they owed it to themselves to try. But not only to themselves but they also owed it to Harriet. If she could have her parents together in the same home and for them to be happy together that was the life he wanted for his daughter. He knew though that he didn't even deserve for April to even think about giving him a second chance.

He had been terrible to her over the past year and a half. He had forced her into a divorce that she didn't even want because he couldn't get over his own pride. He couldn't deal with the fact that she had made him look like a weak man in front of all their friends and family at the hospital by leaving him multiple times to go back to the war zone. He was to proud to admit that her coming back to Seattle had been like being given back fresh air to breather after living in a toxic environment for years.

Not only had he forced her into a divorce, but he had also punished her for choosing to leave the apartment after the incident in Montana. He had purposely pushed her away and shut her out completely when she had chosen to get her own place because she couldn't handle the confusing relationship that he had caused. He was the one who had come on to her in Montana and he was the one who refused to talk about it once they returned home to the apartment they shared knowing that it was killing her inside to not know what it meant.

He hadn't done it on purpose, the truth was that at the time he really didn't know what it had meant. It had been amazing reconnecting with her after being separated for so long, but did that mean that they could just fall back into a relationship? He didn't know then and he still didn't know now.

Which is what lead him to where he was now. He was sitting in the cafeteria waiting for Maggie to join him, so that he could talk to her about the April situation. He didn't have any idea how this conversation was going to go, he didn't even know how he wanted it to go. Did he want to go ahead and end the relationship knowing that his heart was no longer in it for the right reasons? Or did he stick it out since he had made a commitment to her and just try to avoid any conflict that involved April and him? He knew what the right answer was but he also knew what answer caused him the least amount of internal conflict coming to the surface.

"Hey Jackson. Did you page me?" Maggie asked sitting down at the table he was occupying.

"Yeah I did. I wanted to talk to you about April for a second" He responded nervously while playing with the paper on his coffee cup.

"Okay. What's going on with her? Is everything okay?" "Oh yeah she is doing fine. Nothing has changed since yesterday from my understanding. Amelia was actually coming to check on her when I left her room just now. I actually wanted to talk to you because, well I offered to let April stay with me while she recovers. I mean I want her to stay with me at my place so that I can make sure that she is taking care of herself properly during this time. I don't want her to over do it like I know she will if she is alone. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with that since we are together now and she is my ex wife. It just doesn't sound safe to me at all for her to be alone during this time, but I still wanted to check with you before anything was finalized." He said quickly just wanting to get all of the information on the table for her so that she could make an educated decision on how she felt on the matter.

"Oh, okay. Well yeah that makes total sense to me. She absolutely should not be alone right now. Her incisions alone are going to limit her greatly on her range of moment. There are going to be a lot of things that she isn't going to be able to do on her own, so I think that it's a great idea that she come and stay with you while she recovers. I assume that Harriet will be there with the two of you as well? I mean I don't know where else she would go." She said chuckling a little bit under her breath.

"Oh um, no actually Harriet is going to be with my mom and Richard. My mom took the week off from the foundation to come home to help with her. She knew that I would want to help April in any way that she can so she decided to take some time off." He said looking up at the woman across from him knowing that this would be the turning point in the conversation.

"Oh. So it will just be you and April then?" She asked nervously.

"Yeah it would be for at least the next week. Just so that I can focus on April and her recovery completely. Also my mom doesn't get to spend much time with Harriet anymore so this is a good chance for her to have some one on one time with her." He said finishing off his coffee.

"Oh well I am going to be honest I don't know how comfortable I am with that. I understand why you are doing it and I know that there is no other option but that still sucks. Should I be worried about the two of you being alone in your apartment?" Maggie asked with a little bit of edge to her tone. He knew that she had caught on to the fact that he wasn't helping April just because he was being a nice person and he knew that he needed to be honest with her about everything. Her questions had lead him to come to a decision about how to handle the situation he was in without even needing to worry and obsess about the issue.

"Well to be completely transparent I don't know Maggie. I know that seeing her like that yesterday, on the O.R table with all of those wires attached to her and watching you shock her multiple times in order to revive her. That threw me through a loop, stopped me dead in my tracks. It brought up some feelings that I thought were long gone. Feelings that I thought were buried so deep that they didn't have a chance of resurfacing, but they did after seeing her like that. I'm not sure if I would be being honest with you or with myself if I were to say there is nothing to worry about because I just don't know." He said wringing his hands together nervously underneath the table.

"Well then we need to talk about that then. I am not going to be the naive woman who just sits by and lets her boyfriend tell her that he has feelings for the mother of his child who is about to spend a week alone with her and just look past it. I am not going to let you cheat on me when you warned me about it before hand" She said raising her voice just a few notches.

"Wait a second. Maggie no one is talking about cheating. I am not that man and I don't appreciate you insinuating that I would be that type of person. Even if I discovered that I still wanted to be with April and that she felt the same way I would never act on those feelings while we were still together. That would be something I dealt with before I made any kind of move with April. However with that being said I would understand if you wanted to end this relationship right now. I wouldn't be offended or upset with you in any kind of way. I would understand exactly why you felt that would be necessary. However I would hope that you would keep the details of our separation to yourself. This hospital already has enough rumors going on within these walls. I surely don't need anymore being spread about myself and April sure as hell does not need that while she is trying to focus on getting healthy for herself and for our daughter. I hope that if you were to tell anyone about the details that you would make them understand that nothing had happened between me and April while we were still together. Hell I don't even know that anything will happen even if you do choose to end this now." He said while making eye contact with the woman across from him with a pointed look, knowing how this woman liked to talk to her 'sisters' and how those 'sisters' liked to talk to the other people within the hospital walls.

"I don't feel like there is any other option to be honest with you Jackson. You can't just tell me that you think there might still be feelings between you and April and that you are moving her into your home for the foreseeable future and still expect me to want to be in a relationship with you. I have more self respect than that and you don't have to worry about me spreading any rumors about you and April. As much as you don't want to deal with that, I sure as hell don't want to deal with that either." She responded with a determined look on her face, but he could see that she was cracking under the surface which made him feel even more guilty than he already did.

"Like I said I get it. I wouldn't ever ask you to move forward when you felt like you were compromising your self worth Maggie. I am not that much of an egotistical asshole. I agree with you that we should end the relationship now. I hope that one day we can be as good of friends as we were before, but I would understand if that wasn't something you would want." He said while siting up straight in his chair getting ready to leave the table to let her have some alone time.

"We can be friends, I think I can handle that. I mean I would be okay with being friends Jackson. We need to be civil for our families anyways. I don't just want to be coworkers with you, you don't deserve that kind of treatment. It took a lot of nerve for you to be honest with me in this way and I respect you for that. I do, truly I know how difficult this had to be for you to do especially now when you have so much more to deal with than trivial relationship matters. I hope that everything works out for you and April, I really do. That would be amazing for your family. For all of you but especially for Harriet. She is an amazing little girl and she deserves a whole and healthy family." She said standing up.

"Thank you Maggie that means the world to me. Can I at least give you a hug goodbye?" He asked standing up as well.

She nodded to him, giving him the okay to move in for the hug. Which he did. He held the woman close for a moment letting her know just how thankful he was for her response to what he had to say to her. This conversation could have gone completely different and he knew that and was grateful that despite her younger age she was mature enough to have a rational conversation with him about why he felt the need to end the relationship. He just hoped that no matter what happened in the future that she would handle it all in the same calm and mature manner that she had today.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Finally got a new laptop so hopefully the updates will come quicker now. I'm still super motivated to write this story as I feel like Japril deserved so much better than what the show gave them.**

 **I know a few of you are worried about Maggie's influence in this story, but I will let you know now I am in no way shape or form a Jaggie fan. For me the chemistry just isn't there between Jesse and Kelly, but I also wont hate on Maggie's character. She is very important to the story that I am trying to tell here so she will have a part.**

 **Once again thank you for reading and reviewing it means the world to me to know that someone is enjoying my words. :)**

April was beyond exhausted as she laid in her hospital bed, finally alone for the first time in 24 hours. Even after Mathew had left her room the night before she had been bothered by nurses reading her vital signs and then she had paged Amelia herself for an exam to free up her next few hours, but now she was completely and utterly alone. She was finally able to relax and just reflect on everything that had happened over the last day.

She knew that being alone wouldn't last long as Jackson had promised to send Amelia in to check on her again after he had left, but she knew she probably had at least half an hour before the neurosurgeon would be in to check on her. She was going to try to get the most out of her time and make a phone call that she had been avoiding now.

Her mother. She needed to call her mother Karen Kepner.

The conversation couldn't wait any longer as she knew that Arizona had called her the night before to tell her what was going on with April. She was surprised that her mother had waited this long for her to call her or that she wasn't already on a plane to Seattle to see her herself. She knew that her father, Joe Kepner wouldn't allow for that though. As badly as her mother would want to come out to see her daughter he would stop her until he had talked to April himself.

Gearing up for the conversation she grabbed her cell phone and got comfortable in the bed as she pulled up her mothers contact and hit call.

It only rang once before she heard her mothers frantic voice on the other line, surely she had been waiting by the phone for her daughter to call her.

"April?!"

"Yes mama it's me. Before you ask I'm doing fine. It's a God given miracle but I really am doing fine. I am a little tired and my body is a little sore, but other than that I am totally fine." She rushed out an explanation knowing that her mother was about to fully go 20 questions on her and like her once she got started her mother didn't stop.

"Oh baby! I've been praying since yesterday morning! I had a bad feeling all morning long! I told your daddy it was unlike you not to call in the morning to check on us. You do it every day and when we didn't get a call I just had a feeling in my gut" Her mother. She could tell by her mothers tone that she was crying already.

"Mothers intuition. You've always sworn that you knew when one of your girls was hurting. You have always told us that Jesus gave you a special connection to us and you were right. I'm so happy that you were praying." April said genuinely.

"I'm just so happy that you work in such an amazing hospital and you have so many talented doctors around you. I don't know what I would have done if God had taken my baby girl. You've already been through so much it just wouldn't have been fair for you to have gone to heaven so young. I know that God does everything for a reason, but that would have just been cruel."

"I know mama, but you are so right when you say that God does everything for a reason. You will never guess what I woke up to yesterday."

"What was it baby?"

"Jackson, mama Jackson was praying to God not to take me! After all the time that I have spent praying for him and talking to him about the wonders of God. He was praying! Praying for my safety and begging God to save me and telling him that he would do anything if he saved me." April said finally breaking down after hours of holding it together for everyone around her.

"Oh! Praise God! April that is wonderful! I am so happy for him. I know its just a step, but I always knew God was going to use you to get to that young man. I always knew that God would give Harriet two God loving parents."

"I know its only the beginning and I know that he has a lot to go through before he even considers himself a Christian, but I have such an amazing feeling about this. He told me that he spent the night reading one of the Bibles that I left in his apartment."

"Oh wow! That is a huge step for him! I am just so over joyed for you and him April! Now as much as I am loving this conversation I need to know what you are going to do now. Who do you have there to help you while you recover? Is Arizona going to help you or do I need to come spend sometime out there to help you?" She asked going in to over protective mama mode causing April to chuckle under her breath.

"No mama you don't need to come out here. I, um, well I am actually going to be staying with Jackson while I recover. Catherine is here for the week so she is going to take Harriet so that both of us can focus on my recovery. Which really shouldn't take much longer than a week since I don't have any neurological deficits or any physical restraints other than feeling week right now."

"Oh. With Jackson? Wow. Is that a good idea sweetheart? I know what you two have been through to get back to a civil relationship. Are you sure that you want to test that right now?"

"Yes. I actually think it will be good for us to spend some time alone. Hopefully we can work on our friendship again and maybe I can help him a little more with the questions he has about God."

"Okay. If you think that's a good idea then I will stay here but I plan on making a trip up there to see you and my lovely grand baby soon. Has soon as your father can take some time away from the farm. I know he wants to see Harriet and you just as badly as I do."

"Okay. I think that will be a great idea. Mama, I want to ask you to pray about one thing before I let you go." April said nervously.

"Anything. You know that April. What do you need me to talk to God about for you?" Her mother said sincerely.

"I want you to pray about one thing specifically that Jackson told me this morning after we talked about him reading the Bible. He told me that he blames God specifically for the failure of our marriage. As well as for the death of Samuel. He always told me that he doesn't believe in God, but mom he was angry. Extremely angry with God for what happened between us and with Samuel. While I understand being angry with God about Samuel I just can't see why he would be so angry with him for what happened with our marriage. I mean that was not Gods fault that was our fault as humans. We made decisions that lead to the failure of our marriage, the result of that was on us and not on God. Now reasoning with him about Samuel is a little bit more difficult, especially because although I am closer to God now than I was I still have problems with Him about that. So can you please be praying for God to soften Jackson's heart and for Him to give me the words to use when talking to Jackson about them? I know that we have already talked about them, but I know Jackson and I know that won't be the only conversation that we have about it." April explained to her mother, bringing herself to tears while saying the words aloud.

"Oh of course I will be praying for you! And for Jackson! I can totally understand how someone who doesn't fully understand God and his ways would blame him for everything bad that happens in their life. Of course Jackson would blame God for the two most significant loses in his life. But yes I will be praying for God to give you both what you need out of this time alone together." As her mother finished Amelia had walked into the room waving to April that it was time for her exam.

"Thank you. I am going to have to let you go. Amelia just walked in to give me another exam, per Jackson's instructions. I'll call you with any updates though. I love you"

"Okay baby. I love you too."

She hung up the phone and placed it on the tray laying over her bed getting ready for the exam that Amelia was about to perform.

"Hey girl. You ready for this? I can give you some more time if you need it? Amelia as walking over to Aprils bedside.

"Oh no. I'm good. Lets just get this over so that you can release me and I can go home." April said while sitting up straight in the bed knowing that Amelia was going to need to get to her head to be able to see her eye movements.

"Okay you know the drill. Please follow the light using your eyes only." She said as she waved a flashlight from left to right slowly watching April closely as she moved her eyes to follow the light.

"Alright pupil movement and size look good. Now can you smile for me? Alright now life your eyebrows together. Okay now left. And right." Amelia coached her as she did a thorough exam of Aprils basic neurological functions.

"Okay. Everything looks great for my exam. You still have to go through general and cardio exams though. So I'll send Maggie and Meredith up when I see them. Anything else I can do for you?" Amelia said as she stepped back to make notes on April's chart.

"Um no I think that's all I need from you. Although I am sure that Jackson will accost you in the hallway if he sees you, so I would run as I am sure that he is on his way back up here." April said while getting comfortable in the bed once again.

"I don't doubt that. Pretty boy as been on the warpath about making sure that we are all taking perfect care of you." the doctor said with a chuckle.

"Oh no! He is being the worst family member? " April asked cautiously.

"No he isn't. Don't worry about it. We are all on top of each other trying to make sure that your care is perfect. You are one of us and we all recognize that and respect you enough to make sure that you are getting the care you deserve." Amelia said sincerely.

"I don't need that. I am fine. You guys do not need to go above and beyond for me. All I need is for you guys to clear me and send me home so that I can recover and get back to my job." April responded to the other doctors comments.

"Don't even start that crap April. You don't need for us to do that but you deserve for us to do that for you. You haven't always been treated the best here and we are all determined to make that up to you. We will. So don't push it when someone comes in here to do something for you or to check on you. Accept the help and the compliments that you get and we will make sure to have you out of here as soon as you can." Amelia said while walking over to the red head and putting her hand on her leg for comfort.

"Okay. I promise not to be to difficult. Thank you Amelia. I know we haven't always been close to one another, but what you said. It means the world to me." April said moving her hand to cover the brunettes.

"I'm just being honest with you honey." Amelia said as April's door opened revealing a worried looking Jackson.

"Hey..What's the update?" He asked as he rushed into the room keeping his eyes trained on Amelia.

"I was just telling her that everything neurologically looks great, so as far as I'm concerned she can go home tomorrow as long as everything stays the same. However don't get your hopes up because I can't clear her as far as cardio and general surgery goes. I told her once I see Meredith and Maggie I would send them up to check on her. I am saying tomorrow though because I want to make sure that everything stays the same and we don't have any surprises creep up on us." She responded to his question being as clear as she can with him wanting to make sure that he knew that she wasn't the only doctor that needed to clear the red head in the bed next to him.

"Damn, I wish I would have known I would have had Maggie come back up with me. But thank you so much Amelia I really appreciate you keeping such a close eye on her last night and this morning." He said sincerely.

"No problem. She's a part of the family and I am just doing as much as I can for family, but I have a patient to check on so I will come back in a little bit." She said as she left the room leaving the two exs alone in the room.

"So you talked to Maggie then?"April asked him without making eye contact.

"Yeah I did. We talked it through extensively and without going in to details out of respect for her we decided that it was best if we break up for now." He said quietly.

"Oh wow. This is all my fault! Jackson go fix it with her! I can stay with Arizona while I recover she already offered last night. Don't let me stand in the way of your relationship, please go talk to her." She almost screeched at him feeling over come with guilt.

"No! April don't blame yourself. It is not your fault at all. She asked me some questions and I was completely honest with her like she deserved for me to be and in the end those answers lead us both to agree that our relationship just wasn't meant to be." He said talking the woman's hand to try and calm her down.

"What does that mean Jackson? You were talking about me coming to live with you during my recovery. What could she ask you about that situation that would lead to your answer causing a break up? I don't understand."

"April, please I don't want to get into this right now. I don't want to talk about this here. Can we just wait to get home to my apartment and then we can talk about it then?" He pleaded with her knowing that she was way to stubborn to let it go now.

"No! I want to talk about this now. She is going to be coming in here to examine me and I don't want to have to look her in the eye knowing that my choice to stay with you caused you two to break up." She responded vehemently.

"Fine! You want to know what answer caused our break up! I'll tell you damn it. She asked me if I could handle staying alone with you without letting my feelings for you get out of control and I said I don't know! I said I don't know because you haven't even walked through the door of my apartment yet and my feelings are already out of control!" He said raising his voice while staring into Aprils extremely shocked face.


	9. Chapter 9

"Don't say that Jackson. You don't get to say that! Not right now." April said moving as far away from him as she could in the hospital bed without making eye contact with him.

"Look I know it's not fair for you to say that to you. Especially after everything that has happened between us, but you asked me a question and I wanted to be honest with you. I'm just being freaking honest with you April. You asked for honest and that's what I am doing here. I am just answering your question honestly!" He said getting a little frustrated with her.

"Why would you tell me that? I don't get it Jackson. I mean after all this time you want to bring this up now? You want to change your mind about how you feel about me now? After how hard I tried to get you to talk to me about our relationship when we got back from Montana? Now you are choosing now to talk about this!?" She asked raising her voice.

"I know, god I know it's not fair and I wasn't trying to start a conversation about it I was just telling you why Maggie and I decided to split up. We absolutely do not have to talk about it now. You have enough to worry about right now. This is not something that as to be discussed right now. Or ever if you don't to talk about it. I'm sorry I even brought it up." He said lowering his voice trying to calm his own nerves as well as hers.

"How are we going to just not talk about it Jackson? You are the one that freaking brought it up! I can't just ignore what you just said. How would I just ignore what you just said to me? This changes everything! How am I supposed to go and stay with you in your home, alone just the two of us knowing that you are saying that you are confused about your feelings for me right now Jackson? "

"There you go putting words in my mouth. April, I didn't say that my feelings were confused. I said that I wasn't able to control how I was feeling about you April. Don't twist my words to make yourself more comfortable. I know exactly how I said changes things and I apologize for that, but don't downplay what I just told you to make yourself feel better." He said while standing up to walk to the end of the bed interrupting her rambling.

"That's even worse Jackson! Gosh! I am not staying with you. That is not happening now. I will just talk to Arizona and ask her if I can still stay with her. Your mom can still keep Harriet if that's what you want. I don't want to take that time away from her, but there is no way that I can stay with you after hearing this. It's not fair to me or for you to stay with you." She said while grabbing her iphone to text Arizona to come to her room.

Jackson grabbed her cell phone from her though before she could even unlock the phone.

"Don't. Don't do that April." he said looking directly into her eyes to gain her full focus. "God I say one thing that makes you a little uncomfortable and already you are sprinting in the other direction! Don't run from this April. Don't run from me April. Please don't do that to me again. You tell me that you can't stay with me because of my admission about my feelings, but is that the real reason? Or is the real reason for pushing me away again the same reason why you broke up with Matthew in the middle of the night last night?" He said pushing the red head to admit the real reason why she didn't want to stay with him now.

"I don't know what you are getting at Jackson." She said defensively breaking eye contact with him again.

"Yes you do. You know exactly what I am saying. You told me that you broke up with Matthew because he wasn't the person that you wanted to see when you woke up after the accident. So who was the person that you wanted to see April? Who was that person? Was it me? Is that why you are so confused about what I am telling you?"

"Don't Jackson. Don't push this. Just leave it. I'll stay with Arizona and then we can just go back to co parenting the way that we were doing two days ago." She said trying to avoid the question he was asking her.

"Why not April? Why not push it? You know that we can't go back to they way it was now. It sucks that it took what happened to you to make me, no us see our true feelings for each other. But did we really not see it this whole time? Or did we just not want to admit to the way we felt because then we would have to actually deal with how bad we have hurt each other?" He said while sitting back down in the chair next to her and taking her hands to calm his nerves for his next statement.

"Look I know it's not as simple as saying that we want to be together. It's going to take some work to figure out if that's whats best for us or for Harriet but how can we just pass up the opportunity to figure that out? How can we pass up the opportunity to give Harriet a home with both of her parents?" He immediately regretted that last question as she pulled her hands from his forcefully while throwing him a dirty look.

"Don't! Don't you dare try to make me feel bad for not wanting to do this right now by bringing up Harriet! That is a low freaking blow Jackson Avery. How dare you use our daughter to guilt me into this. You don't think that I want that for her, for us? Of course I do! But it is not that simple! You know it's not that simple. The damage that we have done to each other goes way deeper than just surface level. There is broken trust between us and resentments on both sides so it is not nearly as simple as just admitting that we have feelings for each other. How do I even know that you aren't going to be taking those words back in a week or a few days once you are sure that I am okay and that nothing is going to happen to me? How do I know you aren't going to go right back to hating me the way that you have since I came back from Jordan? How do I know that your feelings are real and they aren't just an emotional reaction to my accident?" she said with tears streaming down her face.

He took a moment to think about what she had said. He knew that her concerns were valid to an extent, but he also knew that no matter what she had done to him or that he had done to her he had never stopped loving her. He had never fallen out of love with April Kepner. The love that he had for the woman sitting in the bed next to him looking at him with broken eyes and tears streaming down her face was still just as strong, maybe even stronger than it was when he stood up at her wedding to Matthew begging her to admit that she loved him too.

That's exactly why he knew that he had to push her to consider what he was saying and not to just blow him and his feelings off once again.

"I know all of that April. I know that it's going to take time to rebuild the trust that has been broken, but you know what? There are studies that show that when a trust in a relationship is broken and then rebuilt that it is stronger than it was before it was broken. That could be us April. Don't you feel it? I know that it's not going to be easy and I know that it's going to take some time, but I feel like it is worth the work. Don't you? I know that I have done things that weren't fair to you and I know that I have a history of avoiding the things that actually require hard work. But I am promising you now that I am making a commitment not to do that anymore especially when it comes to you. I will not give up on us. No matter what it takes to prove to you that I am fully committed to you and to our relationship I will do it. April, I know that this is going to be hard and its going to take time for us to rebuild our relationship no matter what that ends up looking like, but I am just asking you to give me a chance. Can you do that for me? Can you just give me a chance?" He ended his speech by grabbing her hand and looking into her eyes with a pleading stare.

"Jackson. I would love to be able to work things out, believe me I really would."

"But" he said pulling his hands back on his own this time.

"yes but Jackson. But I don't think now is the time for us to be trying to figure any of that out. I am not saying that I am not willing to at least think about it. Think about it, but right now I need to focus on my recovery and you need to focus on what is going on with the foundation and taking care of me and Harriet. Lets see how the next week goes and then we can reevaluate. Okay?" She responded while grabbing his hand again.

"Yeah um, okay. I can agree to that." He said looking at her with hope for the first time in a while.


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay I know a lot of you are upset with me right now. All I am going to say is stay with me at least till the end of this chapter please. There will be a longer AN at the end for those of you who read.**

After their talk April decided to see if she could get some rest until her next check up, which she assumed wouldn't be until later that night due to an incoming trauma that had come into the E.R. Jackson was paged as well, even though he had told Bailey he was taking the day off, so she knew that it had to be serious.

All she wanted to do was rest, but the universe had other plans for her apparently. She had been just about to fall asleep when Arizona had walked into her room in the ICU.

"Hey, I'm sorry if you were asleep. I just wanted to come by and check on you before I went to pick up Sofia."

"Oh no its okay. Why aren't you in the pit? Jackson was supposed to be off today and he was paged, so I figured all of you would be down there"

"No pediatric cases this time luckily. Plus I doubt Bailey wants to be around me right now since I told her I was leaving yesterday."

April sat right up in the bed after hearing this. Leaving? She had no idea that her best friend was leaving the hospital.

"Wait leaving? What are you talking about? What did I miss yesterday?"

"Oh um I assumed that Jackson had told you. I decided to go to New York. Sofia needs both of her parents, so I talked to Callie and we agreed that I would bring Sofia up there and I would move with her. It's what's best for Sofia right now."

"Wow. That's huge. You are so selfless Arizona. Dropping everything to move across the country for your daughter."

"Well as parents that's what we do. We put our children and their needs first. This is what Sofia needs, so yeah for now I will go to New York. She needs both of her parents together in the same city. It's what she is used to and the past year has been rough on her with going back and forth between the both of us. I know that she moved back here to be with me, but it was just because she missed me and now she misses Callie. Why put her through that when I can solve the problem and just have us both in the same place for her?"

"God. I wish I could do that for Harriet. I mean I know that she is still little and doesn't understand whats going on, but if I could have a chance for Jackson and I to be together than that's what I should do right?"

"Wait. Hold on. What are you talking about April? You and Jackson are in the same place. Harriet isn't missing out on anything with you two. She has both of you in the same place just like she needs right now."

"I know that we are both here. In Seattle, but what if we could actually be together? Like as in a couple together and she could grow up with both her parents in the same home? Isn't that whats best for her?"

"I mean of course that's the dream situation April, but it's not just that simple. You know that as well as I do. I am moving to New York for Sofia, that doesn't mean that Callie and I are getting back together. Being together in a dysfunctional relationship is not whats best for our daughters, you know that April. Even if that's what we want it doesn't mean that it's what's best. Where is this coming from?"

"Jackson. Before he was paged to the ER we were talking. We decided that I would stay with him for at least the next week while I recover so that I wasn't alone at home trying to push myself harder than was necessary and when he told Maggie they agreed to end their relationship. He told me that they ended their relationship because he told her that after what I went through yesterday he realized that he still had feelings for me. He wants to try to get back together Arizona. It's what I've been praying for since I returned home from Jordan. My husband actually wants to be with me again after everything I put him through."

"Ex. Ex husband April. And after everything you put him through? That's bullshit. What about what he has put you through? He's the one who wasn't honest with you when you were in Jordan. He is the one who chose to put the distance between you two, not you. You asked him to go with you to Jordan. Remember that?"

"Of course I do! But that was after I had already left him for a tour and didn't ask him to go with me. That was after I put distance between us. He was responding to the hurt that I had already caused him" April defended.

"Okay. Yes I admit that you screwed up, but don't act like he was innocent. He didn't fight you on the choice you made. He didn't fight for your marriage. He could have easily gone with you when you asked him to or he could have asked you to stay with him and actually been honest with you about why he was asking you to stay. But he didn't. He didn't do it then and he didn't do it when you came back and tried to save your marriage. Instead he took advantage of the situation and used you. Wait. Before you interrupt me let me finish." She said holding her hand up to stop April from interrupting her to defend Jackson once again.

"He used you April. He manipulated the situation when you came back to get exactly what he needed without considering your feelings in the matter. He agreed to counselling even when he wasn't committed to doing the work it took to get through your problems. That's on him. He used you to get the comfort he needed through sex without giving you the emotional comfort that you needed from him. And just when you had thought that the two of you were actually working through your issues and he was starting to come around he pulled the rug out from underneath you and served you with divorce papers. While you were at work humiliating you in front of all of your coworkers and friends. Did you forget that part? He accuses you of running, but so does he. He just doesn't do it physically. He does it emotionally."

"I mean I guess you are right. I know that we have our issues that need to be worked out and I didn't give him a final answer on the getting together part, but I can't help but to feel like if I don't give this a chance now then we will never get another chance. Why should I let that slip by? Why should I let Harriet miss out on that if I have the option to give her both parents together and happy?"

"Okay let me ask you this. How long are you going to be happy for? A month? Six months? Five years? How long is it going to take for him to go right back to how he was? Questioning your commitment to the relationship because of a choice you made years ago after losing your son? What argument is going to cause him to decided that he can't handle the emotions of the situation again? Or what is going to make him question your compatibility as a couple because you have different ideas on certain things? Is it going to be when you have to decide which school to send Harriet to? When you want her to go to a Christian private school so that she can get educated on God and schooling, but he wants her to go to an expensive private school where they don't talk about God? Or is it going to be when she is asked by the Avery foundation to sit in on board meetings when she is thirteen so that she can learn about the family business, but you want her to spend the summer in Moline on the farm with your parents so that she learns about hard work? What is it going to be that causes the next big fight that he just wants to throw his hands up and be done with everything like he always does?"

"I..I...I don't know."

"Exactly. You don't know because he has proven that he doesn't deal with conflict well. Look at the past year April. When you went to Montana you guys slept together and when you got back he didn't even want to have a conversation about it. And then when everyone hated you because you stepped up and took the Chief of General job during the shit with Minnick he didn't have your back. Instead he criticized you and made you feel like crap and called you a traitor because that's what caused him the least amount of conflict. April you have to think about all of this before you just decided to jump back into things with him. I am not trying to sabotage your relationship, I am just trying to protect you right now. I don't want you going into this blinded by the hope you have. Which I applaud. After everything you went through you deserve to have hope for your future. Just don't be rash about making decisions about Jackson."

She could tell that Arizona was sincere in what she was saying. She also knew that she was right. She couldn't make a decision off of Jackson's big declarations. She had done that to many times and then been burned by them in the end. She had trusted him when he said he wanted to get married after their pregnancy scare and then after it was a false alarm and she expressed how relieved she was he decided that it was a sign they weren't meant to be. She had never meant for him to take it as her thinking the relationship was bad for them, she was just relieved that they didn't have to deal with the pressures of parenthood at that moment. He hadn't even tried to fight her on that and he quickly found a new relationship with Stephanie. Then when he had stood up at her wedding in front of everyone and declared his love for her, she had fallen hard for that one. But quickly she realized that the decision to elope was rushed and not thought through properly when they had fought about their difference of opinions on how to raise a child.

Of course that one went to the back burner when she announce that she was indeed pregnant and they weren't fighting about their hypothetical child but an actual child. The joy of finding out they were pregnant had made them forget why they were fighting in the first place, but all of those reasons had come back up when they found out about Samuel's condition.

Everything that Arizona was saying to her made complete since. She was right. It was not okay for her to just brush past all of their problems because she wanted the happily ever after she had always dreamed about. Their problems were real and they weren't going anywhere.

Then there was also the issue of Jackson's faith. Obviously he hadn't made a decision on how he felt about God and after everything she had been through over the past year with her own faith didn't allow for her to be in a relationship with a man who didn't fully understand her commitment to her faith. He had come a long way since they had first gotten together, but he still wasn't fully there and although she would pray about that and for him there was no guarantee that he would ever fully except God.

"You are absolutely right Arizona. God what was I thinking? You are right. There is no way that a relationship between us would work right now. We still have way to many issues to work out before we could even consider getting back together." She said before flopping back on her pillows in frustration.

"It's not that I want to be right. I hope one day that you and Jackson can work through your issues and be that amazing couple that you once were. Even better than you were back then, but I just don't want you to go into this without thinking it through fully. You over think everything, except Jackson. You just don't think when it comes to him and sometimes that's okay but right now you need to be focusing on what's best for you and Harriet. Not what's best for Jackson. He may want that right now and he may even want it in the future too, but wanting something is only half the battle. You have to be willing to do the work it takes to get what you want. I am not saying give up entirely on ever getting back together with him. I am just saying make him work for it. Make him do the work that he was never willing to do before."

"I know. Thank you for talking sense in to me. I really needed a voice of reason because you were absolutely right I was going off my feelings rather than thinking rationally about it."

"I'm glad I could help. Let me know if there is anything else I can do." She said getting up to say goodbye to her friend.

"Actually I was wondering if I could come and stay with you for a few days. Not the whole week, but I just don't think I should be going to stay with Jackson right this second. It would be to easy for him to talk me into trying again. I need to make sure I take some time to get my thoughts together before I go to his place. I know you will be getting ready to move so I am assuming you will be home for the next few days right?"

"Yeah tomorrow is actually my last day here, so of course you can come and stay with me. It would be nice to be able to spend some time with you before I leave for New York. Plus Sofia would love it. She is going to miss you when we leave."

"Oh Arizona! Thank you so much! That would be great. Now I just have to figure out how to break the news to Jackson." She said giving her friend a hug.

"Yeah I can give advice, but you are on your own on that one. Pretty boy doesn't like to be denied." Arizona said as she walked out of the room.

 **A/N**

 **Okay so don't hate me to much. April is still a woman and we all do stupid things when it comes to the men that we love. She had a momentary lapse of judgement so of course she just needed a girlfriend to help get her mind on track. As much as I love happy Japril and would love to see that here in this story Jackson still has a lot of work to do before April will let him back in.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N Well I guess you guys have a love hate with this story. I have received very mixed reviews from the last few chapters. I just want to reiterate something I said in one of the beginning chapters. I am not placing the blame solely on Jackson or April. I am trying to show both sides of what happened between them because I truly feel like they were both at fault. Obviously its hard to do that when I am showing how their friends feel about it which is why Arizona was solely focused on what Jackson had done to April. This chapter will show a little more at how I feel April is at fault.**

 **Hope you all enjoy. Don't hate me to much.**

Jackson Avery was beyond frustrated. He was supposed to have the next 2 days off of work. Not an on call shift, but actually off. So when he found himself in the pit after an 8 car pill up had been called him you can imagine his confusion when he had been paged. It's not that he didn't want to help people and do his job, however he wanted to solely focus on April and making sure that she was okay and would be going home either today or tomorrow. He knew there was no way that was happening now. He had seen both Maggie and Meredith rushing patients to the elevator to take to the OR on his way down from the ICU, meaning they would probably be in surgery for hours.

"Avery! Over here!" He heard Karev call out from a trauma room to his left.

"What do you have Karev?" He asked immediately going into doctor mode. He may be frustrated that he was here, but he wasn't going to let that effect his work or a patients well being.

"14 year old male. Severe abdominal burns to the right side. Looks like they may be second or third degree. He was stuck in the passenger seat when the front end went up in flames. The fire department worked as fast as they could, but the kid got badly burned." The other doctor informed him quickly while continuing to stitch up the boys lacerations on his arms.

"Okay. Lets take a look and see what needs to be done." Jackson said while removing the bandages that had been placed on the abdomen by the paramedics.

At first glance he could see that they were indeed 2nd degree burns and they needed to be debride and treated immediately or else this kid was looking at a life time of awful scaring.

"Okay these burns need debridement now. If we don't get this treated immediately he is going to have permanent scaring. Wilson can you start that while I go get Silver Sulfadiazine from the supply closet? Make sure you are paying close attention to get all of the damaged tissue so that we can lessen the risk of any discolored skin or other scaring. I'll just be a minute and I'll take over." He said has he finished pulling off the bandages and removed his gloves to walk out of the trauma room.

He quickly grabbed the supplies that he would need and headed back into the trauma room as he heard another voice call his name.

"Avery! What the hell do you think you are doing" He heard Robbins yell causing him to turn his head quickly.

"Um I am treating a burn patient. What else am I supposed to be doing?" He asked sarcastically.

"With April. What are you doing with April Jackson." She asked a little more aggressively.

"Well I am assuming that you just spoke to her since you are pissed, so you must know what I told her. However, I don't think that's any of your concern Arizona. No offense but my personal life is not everyone in this hospitals business and that includes you."

"When it concerns your hot and cold feelings towards my best friend right after she had a near death experience it sure as hell does concern me! You may be confused about how you feel right now since you almost watched her die, but that gives you no right to give her false hope Avery. In fact it makes you an asshole that you would even consider making promises you can't keep to her the day after she almost died after basically ignoring her for over a year." She said poking her finger into his chest.

"Okay I get that you would be protective over her, especially right now but you have no right to tell me what I should and should not be doing with her. And you sure as hell do not get to tell me how I feel. You are right I am an asshole, but I am not an ass because I was finally honest with her. I am an ass because it took her almost dying for me to realize that I have been ignoring her and pushing her away because I am so in love with her I don't know how to function without her. You think that I have enjoyed the past 2 years without her? You think that I really wanted that divorce? Of course I didn't! I didn't want any of that but I am a prideful asshole who couldn't get past the fact that she left me just like everyone else important to me did! My dad! Mark! Hell even my mother was worried more about the foundation than she was being a mother! So no you don't get to come down here and fucking attack me for being honest with her! You don't get to make me feel bad for that." He said raising his voice at the female doctor.

After he finished he noticed that he had attracted they eyes of most of the doctors, nurses, and even patients in the ER making him extremely uncomfortable. He didn't like his personal life being on display for everyone to see, but his frustration had got the best of him when Arizona had attempted to corner him.

"Now if you excuse me I have a patient to treat." He said walking away towards the trauma room his patient was currently in.

Walking into the room he could tell that just like everyone in the ER the doctors in the trauma room had also heard his and Arizona's argument. Instead of addressing the awkward encounter he decided to focus on the patient.

"Have you finished with the debridement Wilson?"

"Yes sir. I just finished I was using saline to clean the wound so that you could add the Silver Sulfadiazine to the burn." She responded quickly while getting out of the way for the attending.

"Thank you." He said taking the seat she just left while putting on gloves so that he could start his treatment.

"Okay looks like the patient is stable. He just needs his burns treated as well has a few more lacerations stitched up, so everyone can go. I'll stay here with Avery and finish up." Alex said to Wilson and the few nurses that were in the room with them.

"Seems like I am the center of the drama today. Thanks I really don't want to be answering any more questions right now."

"No problem man. I know what it's like to have your whole life on display for the hospital. It's no ones business but yours and April dude. Don't let what other people say get to you. You know how this place is."

"Yeah I know. It's just frustrating because I am sure that Arizona pointed out everything that's wrong with me to April so I am sure that any chance that I did have is now gone. So much for that."

"Look if anyone can work their crap out its you and April. You may have to do some work to get there, but I am sure if you two really want to be together than you will be. But don't let what Arizona or anyone else says change your mind on working towards that."

"It's not me that I am worried about. You know how neurotic April can be. She is absolutely going to let what other people say effect any chance that we have of getting back together."

"You're right about that, but you are the one person that I have ever known to be able to calm Kepner down and make her think rationally. Keep that in mind. Right now she has people telling her the bad things, but there will be people who tell her the good things too. I remember what you two were like when you were together and happy and believe me that is worth fighting for. You have both made mistakes and you both need to correct those mistakes, so don't let her dwell on just your mistakes. Be kind and be understanding but remind her that you aren't the only one that was at fault here."

"I know all of that. But she is right. Arizona is right I mean I have been the biggest ass on the planet to April over the last few years. I have been so busy trying to protect myself that I forgot what love was about. I forgot that when you love someone you do whatever you can to protect them and make sure that they are protected. I haven't done any of that. So how do I convince her to give me another chance when I don't even think that I deserve another chance with her?"

"Do you forgive her?"

Jackson was caught off guard by this question. Alex could tell by the look on his face that he was going to have to explain his question even though he didn't really feel like it needed explaining. Everyone in the hospital had seen what Avery had been through while April was gone, before then even. Everyone could see how torn apart he had been after they had lost their son and how much more he had been hurting when April had decided to go to Jordan.

"Do you forgive her for leaving you? Do you forgive her for abandoning you? Because from what I just overheard it sounds like you are still holding resentment towards her for that?"

"Of course I do. I mean I didn't want to for awhile but I forgave her for all of that when she was willing to sacrifice her life to save our daughters by letting Warren do a C section on a kitchen table." He said truthfully.

"What about for pushing you away before she left? Or for acting like your pain didn't matter? and not only when Samuel died. Kepner has a history of under valuing your feelings over her own. I mean when you guys where doing whatever it was you were doing after she came back from Moline she just assumed you were using her for a booty call whenever you wanted it rather than realizing that you were just has confused by your feelings as he was. Or when you had the pregnancy scare. When she just assumed that you didn't want to follow through on your plans because the test was negative. I mean its a pattern with her Jackson. She either under values your feelings or puts you on the spot to make a quick decision. Don't forget about when she basically forced you to take Stephanie to Bailey's wedding so that you wouldn't be tempted to act on your feelings for her. Or when she asked you to give her a reason not to get married the day she was proposed to. Look all I am saying is that the blame isn't fully on you. You are both at fault so don't beat yourself up."

Jackson was quiet after Alex's rant on Aprils actions. He knew that his friend was right. The main source of contention in his and April's relationship had always been their communication. She had a tendency to assume how he was feelings and he had the tendency to let her and not to correct her thinking when it was wrong. This had caused their numerous break ups and the painful ways that they had hurt each other. While he knew that it was not going to be easy to fix their relationship he still couldn't help but want to try. He felt like he owed it to both of them to fight for her. For them. They both deserved to be with the people that they loved and he knew that meant that they were meant to be together.

He couldn't help but feel like this would always happen. No matter what happened or who was involved April and Him always had a way of coming back to one another. Fate as some people called it. Soulmates for others. Or God as April would call it.

He still didn't know exactly how he felt on the matter, but he knew on some level that April was right. God was definitely the source that had them coming back to one another time and time again.

He looked up to see that while he was distracted by his own thoughts while working on the patient that Alex had left the room so he was now alone with the unconscious patient. It seemed that Alex had ordered a sedative for the patient while he had been in the hall fighting with Arizona so it was just him and his sleeping patient.

He continued to think about April, their relationship and for some reason God while he was finishing up applying the cream to his patients burn and couldn't help but to feel a desire to pray. Pray like he had done only 24 hours ago over April. He wasn't sure how to go about it this time though. Last night it had been because Owen had said it's what April would have wanted them to do and when he had prayed for Samuel it had been because April had been lost and couldn't do it herself. But in this moment it felt like it was because he wanted to do it for himself. Not because anyone else asked him to or that he was doing it for someone else.

No this prayer would be because he needed to do it.

"Um. I'm not sure how to do this or what to say to you. I'm not even sure that you are listening to me since I have spent so much time fighting against even the idea of you, but I hope you are. All of the things that April has said about you over the years must have finally sunk in for me to be doing this. I don't even know exactly why I am doing this." He started but stopped and shook his head. April had said that it didn't matter what you said to God as long as you talked to him. She said that you should talk to Him the way that you would talk to your own father, but he didn't have one of those so he didn't know how to do this.

He thought about that for a moment and decided he would talk to God the way that he hoped Harriet would one day feel comfortable talking to him. Hopefully that would work.

"Look I know that you already know everything that has happened and that is currently happening, so I am not going to go through all of that. But I do want to say thank you. Thank you for saving April. Thank you for healing her I guess. I don't know how you did it and I guess that's kind of the main point of 'having faith' but I do know that you are the one who did it. I am not to proud to admit that anymore and while I know that I am still angry for the other things you did, or allowed to happen I am great full that you saved her. Not only for Harriet but you saved her for me as well. I'm not sure why it took me this long to finally talk to you, but I guess I just finally stopped fighting all the evidence that April had given me to prove your existence when you saved her.

I don't know what that means yet. I don't know if I am a christian or if I am just a believer but I do know that right now I feel compelled to ask for your help. Please help April and I move past all of our differences and our past hurts and get back to the couple I know we can be. I know its probably not fair to even ask her to try to do that for me, but all I know is that I love her and when she's not in my life there's a whole and I am constantly trying to fill it with someone or something and I don't want to do that anymore. No matter what I try to fill it with it never fits right. It's an April sized hole so I know that she is the only thing that can fill it.

I guess that I am just asking for you to help us be happy. I know us getting back together doesn't mean it will be easy or that it will be a smooth ride. I am sure that it will be hard and rocky but I am willing to do what it takes to make it work. I am sure that if I can get your help to convince April she will be to. That's all I can promise you right now. I won't give up again on her or on us. Not this time. So God will you please help me? Help us?"

"I think you are supposed to say Amen at the end." Jackson was embarrassed to see that his patient was in fact awake now and had just heard him praying out loud.

"Um. How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough to know that you really care about April, whoever she is. Now can you tell me what is going on and why I am in a hospital with a doctor praying for some girl?" The kid asked trying to change the subject.

"Of course. I'm sorry." Jackson said as he cleared his throat to go over the injuries that the boy had received due to the car accident and the care that they had administered to treat them.


End file.
